


Too Much Sharing

by Cress221



Category: Arrested Development, Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
Genre: Crossover, F/M, M/M, Mention Of Suicide Attempt, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 20:11:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3991195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cress221/pseuds/Cress221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his failed coffin illusion, Gob Bluth meets Chas Tenenbaum in 2004, but he mistakes him for Tony Wonder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Much Sharing

**Author's Note:**

> Anwar is the name of Chas Tenenbaum's driver who chauffeurs his sons around in _The Royal Tenenbaums_.
> 
> Also, this story implies that Gob was aware of Lindsay not being his sister before the secret came out in season 3. I mean, looking at the photo album, it's obvious that she wasn't Michael's twin.

Gob was still walking with his head down, depressed about his goof making the cover of _Poof_ magazine. He even left the Bluth Company office to go to the beach and try to cheer himself up by hitting on some women. But when Gob finally looked up from his sandals, he thought he saw Tony Wonder swimming in the ocean. Soon Tony got out of the water and went to dry off with a towel. He looked like he did in the magazine, only without his W beard. He wore a swimcap and some red swim trunks. It made Gob jealous, that Tony had such a great body. He was even slathering on sunscreen now.

But after he sat down on a beach chair, Tony called out to some boys who were running and playing frisbee with a Dalmatian dog.

"Ari! Uzi! Be careful." Although Chas was trying to be laidback, he was still somewhat nervous about his family's first vacation since they lost their mother Rachael in the plane crash.

"Okay, Dad." They sat down on the beach and started building a sandcastle, while the dog helped dig in the sand.

Gob was stunned by what he overheard. He didn't know that Tony Wonder had kids. They looked like they were maybe 11 or 12. Wow. Did that mean he was married or something? But then again, Gob got that Christian girl pregnant back in high school, but he didn't marry her. Or maybe they weren't really Tony's kids, but he was hanging out with them because of their mom. Gob remembered Marta's boys and how she wanted them to be a family.

Gob went up to Tony Wonder and spoke in his deepest, most intimidating voice, "So we meet at last, Tony Wonder!" He tried to do a fireball, but just sprayed lighter fluid at him instead.

"Hey, what?" Chas turned to the weird guy towering over him. "Who are you?"

"Don't act like you don't know, Tony Wonder!" Gob knelt down on the beach towel so he could be level with him.

"What? I'm not Tony Wonder."

"You think you can fool me without your beard? I recognize you from _Poof_ magazine." He resented Tony Wonder getting so famous for his USO bread illusion, when Gob had that same basic idea months ago, but with soup instead.

"What are you talking about?"

"You can tell Rollo to shove it. I don't need the Magician's Alliance anyway. I'm Gob Bluth. I got a great job." Even if he didn't want to do the work. But Michael would do it for him.

"Gob Bluth?" Chas sat up in his chair. "Of the Bluth Company?"

"Yeah, and I'm the President! So who cares about magic anymore?" This was mere bravado, because Gob did still care about getting kicked out of the Alliance that he founded.

Chas put out his hand and said, "I'm Chas Tenenbaum. Nice to meet you."

"Huh?" Now Gob was confused.

Chas shook his hand and said, "Um, I left my business card in my suit. But I remember reading a newspaper article about you and your company recently. I'd love to talk to you about real estate."

Gob just stared at Tony Wonder, wondering why he was lying.

Chas said, "Um, let me get my kids and get dressed. We can go meet for coffee in a few minutes, all right?"

"I guess." Gob watched the guy get up and go talk to his kids. He took his swimcap off and revealed a head of curly hair. Maybe this guy was telling the truth, and he wasn't Tony Wonder after all.

Chas talked to his sons, who initially complained about having to leave the beach, but he told them, "I need to talk to this man about buying us a summer house here, okay?"

Ari got excited and said, "So we can come to California all the time!" He hugged his father.

Uzi grinned and gathered up the sand pails and shovels, while Ari got the frisbee and started to lead the dog Spark Plug back to the changing rooms.

Chas waved at Gob Bluth, and said, "I'll be right back." As he went to get changed and send the boys back to the hotel with Anwar, he wondered to himself about Gob Bluth's weird name. From the way it was spelled in the newspaper, he thought it was pronounced Gawb with a hard G, but apparently not.

Meanwhile, Gob sat in the beach chair and wondered if Tony Wonder had a secret twin brother or something. Or maybe the resemblance was just a coincidence, like how Nellie the whore looked like Michael.

When Chas Tenenbaum returned, he was wearing a red Adidas track suit and he pulled a business card out of his wallet.

Gob read the man's name, and saw that he was CEO of some huge company. "You're from New York?" he asked as he read the address on the card.

"Yeah, I'm here on vacation with my boys. But they like it so much, I thought I should buy us a second home out here."

"Oh. Um, I'm not a salesman."

"I know. You're the President. I read about when you first got appointed." As a rich CEO, Chas had regular subscriptions with newspapers from all around the country. "Apparently both your father and brother are having some legal trouble?" Chas was familiar with having a corrupt, embezzling father, even if he did make up with his father before he died in 2001.

Gob nodded, still a bit stunned that Dad went from dead to alive to escaped all while he was in the coffin. He said, "Well, you should talk to my brother Michael. He'll sell you a house."

"Great. Can you give me his number? I'd like to take a tour of a house soon before we have to fly back home."

"Oh, if you want to see a house, I can take you there myself." Yeah, Gob didn't feel like going back to the office, and maybe if he sold the house to this Chas guy himself, then Michael would be impressed with him and proud of him.

"Sure, okay." Chas didn't mind not getting coffee. He was surprised when Gob brought him to a Segway instead of a car.

"This is me," he said, getting on. "Hop on."

Chas hesitated, wanting to ask for the address so that he could meet Gob there in a cab. But then Chas remembered riding on the back of a garbage truck with his late father and the boys. Since Royal's death, Chas had been trying to be more fun and adventurous, so he shrugged and got on the Segway, holding onto the tall man in front of him.

It was kind of awkward, trying not to smush his face into Gob's back. His hair was still a little damp too, and he didn't want to get Gob wet.

The Segway went kind of slow with two people on it, so Chas decided to ask about this Tony Wonder guy that Gob had mistaken him for.

Gob grumbled that Tony Wonder was a magician who had just joined the Magician's Alliance. "I don't wanna talk about him." Gob changed the subject to how Chas's vacation was going in Newport Beach. What places had he and his sons seen in Orange County?

Chas told him that they had mostly gone swimming at the beach and running around with their dog Spark Plug. He didn't feel secure enough to take the boys to Disneyland where they could get lost in a crowd.

Then Gob told Chas about the model home they were going to see. "So if you like this, we'll build you another house in Sudden Valley, as big as you want."

"Sudden Valley?" Chas was not so sure about this neighborhood. He remembered that when he asked around Newport Beach, the local people told him to buy from Sitwell Housing instead of the Bluth Company, but Chas kind of felt drawn to this Gob Bluth, who until recently had apparently been passed over for his younger brother. Chas knew the feeling of being jealous of his own younger brother; Richie was such a papa's boy.

They got to talking about their brothers, the favorite sons who got everything. Chas liked Gob and hoped that they could hang out whenever he and the boys visited California.

Gob asked if Chas's wife should see the house also. Or did she have to watch the kids?

"No, um, my wife died a few years ago." It was four and a half years now.

"Oh. Sorry." Gob was surprised and wondered if the kids had some nanny with them.

Chas sighed and confessed, "I kind of had a nervous breakdown when she died, but my dad helped me get better. But I still miss Rachael."

Gob thought about Michael and Tracey.

Chas went on, "Sorry. I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I've just been over-explaining things lately." Chas had tried dating recently, but he was so out of practice and had a tendency to constantly talk about his wife to women. He wondered if Gob would be his wingman if he asked.

They were quiet for a while, until they got to Sudden Valley, and Chas was stunned by how deserted and unfinished it was.

Gob said, "Well a lot of the company money got frozen after my Dad's arrest. But now I'm in charge, so we'll start building again." He wisely did not mention the attempt to build a fake house for the ribbon-cutting ceremony. Hopefully this Tenenbaum guy hadn't read that newspaper article.

Chas shrugged and tried to be patient until he saw the house up close.

They arrived at the model home, and got off the Segway. Gob showed Chas around, starting with the porch, then going inside. Tobias and Lindsay were home and were startled by Gob giving a tour.

After awkward introductions, Gob hurried Chas away to the patio so that Tobias wouldn't say something inappropriate and Lindsay wouldn't try to flirt with Chas.

However, Chas was somewhat curious about Gob's family, and when he heard that Tobias used to be a psychiatrist, he said, "That reminds me of my sister and her husband Raleigh. Ex-husband now."

"Oh they got divorced?" Gob was sure that Lindsay was too chicken to divorce her gay husband.

"Yeah, uh, they finally did." Chas explained that they had marital problems for years, and she cheated on him often.

Gob said, "Lindsay wishes she could cheat. They have an open marriage now."

"Wow." Chas was stunned by that. "Your sister told you that?"

Actually, nobody told Gob that. He overheard it when listening in on his family, who always excluded him. Gob didn't want to admit that, so he said instead, confidentially, "She's not really my sister. I think she's adopted."

Chas was stunned, feeling that the coincidence was eerie. He frowned and whispered, "My sister's adopted too. She's actually in love with our younger brother Richie."

Gob was shocked. "What?"

"I know, I know! It's so weird. I'm still trying to get used to it." Chas probably shouldn't have said anything, but it was hard, not having any friends he could discuss this stuff with, and he was ready to burst. "I mean, I know Margot's adopted. We've always known that. But it's still strange for them to be all kissing and dating." They tried to keep it a secret at first, but there was no hiding it anymore when Richie moved with Margot to her apartment that she kept under the name of Helen Scott.

"Kissing and dating?" Gob wanted that with Michael, if he would just stop being a coward.

Chas shrugged and told him that Richie tried to kill himself once. "So I guess if it makes them happy... That's why Mom and Henry said they were okay with it when they found out."

"Happy," Gob repeated to himself, not paying attention as Chas explained that Henry Sherman was his stepfather.

Gob wanted to be happy with Michael. His wife Krindy once said she was in love with her brother too, and she went to the army to be with him. Gob wanted to think it was possible for him and Michael, but Michael continued to resist him due to his morals. But maybe this was the answer. All Gob had to do was convince Michael that he was adopted, and then maybe Michael would give in, would sleep with him and love him back. They could be happy.

"Gob?" Chas asked. The guy seemed zoned out.

"Huh? I gotta go now. See ya." He ran to get his Segway. He had to go fake some adoption papers for Michael.

"Wait, Gob!" Chas was stunned by Gob leaving so suddenly, but then he figured that Gob was just uncomfortable because Chas confessed too much about his crazy family. If only he could keep his mouth shut, he could have made a friend!

Finally Chas shrugged and decided to ask if Lindsay could give him Michael Bluth's number. Then he could call a cab and go there to talk about buying a house. However, a few minutes alone with Lindsay and Tobias made Chas decide that this family was even crazier than his own family. He didn't want to stick around to meet Michael Bluth.

So Chas called a cab and decided to go buy a house from Stan Sitwell instead, as long as it didn't have shoddy construction.


End file.
